Terrestrial Illumination Authority
Earth Sunlight
Control Department
Bureau of Solar Redistribution · Leiria Region
Official communication
Notice of
Violation
A report has been filed with this Department regarding the unauthorized removal of sunlight from the municipality of Caldas da Rainha, on the morning of Sunday, 2 August 2026.
Preliminary findings indicate that the named party has retained said sunlight for personal use, in quantities materially exceeding the seasonal allowance. You are hereby summoned to review the enclosed ticket.
This Department's authority extends across the whole of the Leiria Region, the municipalities of Caldas da Rainha and Peniche included. Failure to open this notice does not constitute a defence. Ref. Solar Allocation Act §4(c).
Form ESC-14b
Sunlight
Violation Ticket
1 Violation
Stealing an excessive amount of sunlight over the town of Caldas da Rainha during the first half of Sunday, 2 August 2026, and keeping it for personal use. Measurable dimming was recorded as far as Peniche.
2 Evidence submitted
“Are you talking about me? 😝”
Exhibit A — statement of the accused, recorded verbatim
3 Additional charges
- Being suspiciously pretty.
- Distracting an on-duty sunlight officer.
- Causing the deity Dazhbog unnecessary jealousy.
- Showing no remorse.
The accused is entitled to one (1) response. Both available responses are legally binding and, by design, lead to the same afternoon.
Response due by 12:00 hrs, Monday 3 August 2026 After this hour the Department proceeds on the assumption that she keeps the sunlight and the officer keeps wondering.
Form ESC-14b · part II
Payment of
Fine
Your fine may be settled in person, in the company of the issuing officer. Select the manner of settlement below.